


the painter’s muse

by injeolmis



Category: NCT (Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Xiaodery, Minor Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, inspired by Portrait of a Lady on Fire, luren, yukren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:00:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25550110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/injeolmis/pseuds/injeolmis
Summary: “The prince doesn’t like his portraits painted… to say it in a simple manner, he refuses to pose.”
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Renjun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72





	the painter’s muse

**Author's Note:**

> based on the movie, portrait of a lady on fire,, please watch the movie, it’s sooo fucking good !!! anyways, hope you enjoy the fic !!!

All Renjun sees is the huge body of water surrounding him. He loses track of time, it seemed like the voyage started for how god knows how long. 

The waves were calmer than yesterday, he observes as he clutches on his materials for dear life, afraid that his crate might fall overboard again. Diving after his canvas wasn’t really part of the trip, and it was also not fun. 

Meanwhile, his companions weren’t exactly the friendliest of all people, although Renjun doesn’t judge. These men prefer keeping things to themselves, not engaging into conversation, and he respects that. He just wishes for the journey to end sooner while he had his sanity intact because not everyone can last a copious amount of time without talking to someone. 

Other than the uncomfortable ride on the small crammy boat and the occasional, awkward eye contact with the other three passengers, it was all peachy keen. The view was also breathtaking, especially when the sun sets, where the sky is painted with light orange, as it meets the sea below, slowly swallowing the sun whole, before welcoming the twinkling stars and moon. 

Renjun had the landscape ingrained in his mind, maybe one day, one day he'll come back and paint the scenery that was stored in his head.

On the third day, Renjun finally sees something in the distance, an island with a huge cliff, below are sharp rocks and boulders, barely visible because of the huge waves crashing against them.

They land ashore, dropping off the baggages, some crates full of oil cans and finally, the canvas itself. Renjun bids the passengers goodbye and thanks them for being kind enough to him as they went along the journey. Suffice to say, they ignored his words of gratitude as one began pushing the boat off-shore.

Renjun wasn’t surprised.

After the boat is finally out of sight, he takes off his shoes and sinks his toes into the fine grains of sand beneath him. He sighs in relief, finally being able to feel the dirt at the sole of his feet for what seemed to be a lifetime ago. 

He throws his faux-leather shoes inside one of the crates, stretching his legs and arms, as he prepares himself to hike a steep uphill climb. He fastens his baggage on his left shoulder, he ties a rope on his waist and attaches it on the wooden case of the canvas to drag it along. He then carries within his two scrawny arms, the crates of oil paint, there he begins to climb up the hill. 

Under the scorching heat of the sun, beads of sweat form on his forehead to no end. The strain tied on his hips begins to hurt more, fatigue slowly rises from his body as he mounts what seemed to be an unending hill. He fights it off, reminding and reassuring himself about the huge sum of pay he’s going to get after the commission, telling himself that there’s no way of receiving it if he dies of heat exhaustion. 

So with this in mind, he carries on, stopping every now and then to drink water and rest, and by the time he reaches the mansion, it was already night time.

He knocks on the huge entrance of the house and stares in awe at how luxurious it looks, from the carefully chiseled design of the pillars to the lines and design engraved on the main door, everything about it was extravagant. 

A servant answers, peeking at who could be the visitor, he greets Renjun, before asking what was his purpose for going there.

“I’m the artist?” He replies, before showing his materials for the painting. The servant panics and immediately swings the door open for Renjun.

“I am so sorry sir, I was notified that you would be here in four days' time. I did not know you would be here early.” He apologizes, rushing to carry the baggage he has hanging on his shoulders.

“Please do not fret, and like what you said, I came here a day early. It is not your fault, but mine.” He says, calming the other with reassuring words. Still plagued with guilt, he forces himself to agree with him. Renjun pats his shoulder before entering inside.

If he didn’t consider the mansion as luxurious before, he would’ve by now. It welcomes you with a huge open area, well-lit by the chandelier that hangs from the ceiling above, and a grand marble staircase with high railings. Still, in awe, he carries the crates and continues to head forward, following the servant to wherever he’s bringing him.

“You must meet the master first, he has been anticipating your arrival since he had sent his letter to you, he obviously sees you with high regard.” The servant boy says before leading him to the main room. He doesn’t give Renjun time to digest what he had said, and immediately calls for his master.

“Sir?” He approaches a young charismatic man who wore a vibrant silk cloak in burgundy. He whispers in his ear, meanwhile, Renjun stands there awkwardly, not knowing what was being said about him or his arrival. The servant glances at him a couple of times, all he could observe is how indifferent he looks at him, he sucks on his bottom lip, as the man with his back facing him gasp, he whispers back at the servant, the servant nods again, before pointing towards Renjun’s direction.

The man quickly turns around and looks to be overjoyed by his mere presence alone. “Mr. Huang! I have been waiting for you!” He says, hurriedly approaching and shaking his hand.

“Really, sir?” Renjun replies, unsure if it’s flattery or sincere compliments given to him.

“Your high reputation precedes you, young man.” He replies, before letting his hand go. His smile seemed to be genuine enough, Renjun notices.

“Should I be flattered?” He asks once again, making sure that he wasn’t assuming that he was complimenting him.

“Of course, I have heard great things about you.” 

He leads Renjun over to a seat. The seat itself was also as grand as the not-so-humble abode. Velvet linen and cushion filled with the finest feathers in Europe. Renjun could easily pass out from exhaustion, then and there. 

They talk a few minutes more, the master of the house introduces himself as Qian Kun, he was currently the guardian of the prince. Renjun begins to wonder about where the King and his wife were since no portraits were displayed of them, Renjun begins to assume for the worst.

Before He could even ask Kun about the whereabouts of his actual parents, Kun shuts him off quickly, by telling him about the passing of the former rulers.

“Ah, so the parent’s of the prince is-“

“Deceased. They’ve passed at sea, the waters dragged their ship down the ocean floor. The bodies were never recovered.” Kun sips on his tea. His face scrunches up a little, Renjun observes as he fiddles with the cup's handle.

“I was good friends with his father.” Kun follows up fondly. His eyes show pain, maybe a hint of regret too. Renjun doesn’t understand his pain, but that doesn’t stop him from showing any type of sympathy. 

He nods, tells him his condolences to the couple, Kun only nods to acknowledge what he has said. He stops himself from saying more, Renjun notices how he immediately shifts from the topic, clearly uncomfortable. Kun then begins to tell more personal anecdotes about his life, Renjun listened intently, even though he was exhausted from the walk up the mansion.

Before Renjun could even tell, the night was already coming to a close, Renjun wished Kun a goodnight as he was finally heading to bed, as he leaves, he informs Kun that he will be starting the commission first thing, tomorrow. Kun purses his lips together, before pulling the painter’s wrist. Renjun looks at his forearm, before looking at Kun’s face directly. 

“About that.” He says, before asking Renjun to sit again, although confused, he obliges, curious about what the other has to say. 

“The prince doesn’t like his portraits painted… to say it in a simple manner, he refuses to pose.” He sighs, before asking the servant to clean up the kettles and the leftovers of loaves on the table. He focuses his attention on Renjun again. 

“There was a painter before you and he found the prince unbearable-” Awkward air fills the gap between the two. "-And he just couldn't finish the portrait." Renjun begins to have second thoughts, unsure if he should follow through with the commission. 

Despite the doubts swarming his head, he decides to continue on, filled with determination, he manages to convince himself that it was just a minor bump in the road, nothing to worry about. He was not an amateur, surely he could accomplish the task without the source. 

“Are you fine with that?” Kun asks him. Without hesitation, Renjun nods before vowing to him about professionalism and that he didn’t mind it at all. Kun smiles, relieved that it wouldn’t be an issue.

"It's fine with me, Sir." And before he leaves, Renjun makes sure to ask something that has piqued his interest and at the same time, bothered him ever since this conversation started.

“-But may I at least know why he refused to pose?” He follows up. Kun leans back, and props his feet on the ottoman, he gazes over the window, wearily.

“No. Not at all.”

He purses his lips before answering his question.

“The painting is for his betrothal, and he just refuses the marriage.” 

* * *

Renjun wakes up, his chest bare and his white shirt barely hanging on the edge of his bed. The bright light coming from the windows above his bed welcomes him, He yawns before shivering from how cold the room was. 

A knock interrupts his thoughts, he immediately gets up, still in a daze from his morning wake and opens the door only to be greeted by a man with a lean stature, his attire, very plain and simple. He wore a polite smile, Renjun observes. The man begins to introduce himself. 

“Sir, I am Guanheng, I am one of the servants of this household. I am here to inform you that breakfast is served, and you will be meeting the prince.” He replies, as if he was conditioned to act so (he was, but still) the way his words easily flow from his lips sends shivers down Renjun’s spine. Something about it was… unnatural to say the least. 

“Please make sure to dress properly too. The master hates indecency.” Guanheng raises his brow at the other, covering his mouth to hide his snickering. Renjun blushes. 

“Yes, yes, of course.” Renjun replies, crossing his arms and trying his best to hide his skin. 

Guanheng stifles a chuckle, before leaving Renjun alone. Once the other was gone, Renjun is quick to close the door, embarrassed that he showed up indecent, on his first day too, of all days. 

He quickly grabs a new tunic, and changes his sleeping trousers, to more formal ones. He makes sure to take a small notebook and a pencil, just in case. He takes a quick glance at the mirror, fixing his hair a bit before finally leaving his room to meet the others in the dining area.

* * *

“Huang Renjun, there you are!” Kun says, welcoming him, before telling him to sit. Renjun smiles, at him before scanning the room, he spots a boy, with messy dark hair, his eyes glued to his plate. 

“Yukhei, don’t be rude. Greet the guest!” Kun nudges, Yukhei finally looks up, his expression, serious and cold. He finally looks at Renjun, he stands up and bows.

“I’m Yukhei.” Is the only thing he says before sitting back down again, giving him the cold shoulder. Being put in an awkward position, he forces out a smile to ease out the tension.

On the side is where Guanheng stands, next to the servant who opened the door for him the night before. Renjun tries to catch his stare, just to smile, or at least give a nod to acknowledgment, yet it seems like Guanheng was purposely avoiding his gaze. 

“Yukhei, this will be your new companion, Renjun.” Kun says, introducing him. He looks back up and looks back down again. He nods quietly, still playing with his food, letting the peas roll from his fork.

“A companion?” He asks, still uninterested with Renjun. Kun nods enthusiastically. With a raised brow, he brings his fork down, and coughs to remove the congestion in his throat. 

"I do not need one." Yukhei deadpans, Renjun feels himself shift on his seat, uneasy as his eyes dart over to Kun with worry. 

"Everyone needs a companion, Yukhei." Kun retaliates, before giving Renjun a look of apology for his snobbish attitude.

"No I don't."

"Yes you certainly do.

The room hushes into profound silence. Yukhei parts his mouth ever so slightly, before locking his jaw. 

“As you insist.” He replies dryly as he signals Renjun to come to him. 

"I'm visiting the shore then."

"But the boy hasn't eaten yet-"

"That's alright with me, Sir." Renjun reassures him, telling him that it wasn't rare for him to skip meals. Still, Kun displays a look of concern, clearly hesitant to permit himself and Yukhei out.

He could feel the piercing gaze of the prince by the side of his skull. He does not look back, afraid that he might screw up and accidentally confess his sole purpose there in fear for him and his life. Who can blame him? The prince looked nothing but cold. After a few moments is when Yukhei directs his attention to Kun instead. Renjun exhales in relief.

“You heard him. We will be heading out now.” He replies, before walking up to Renjun and tugging his arm.

He shots Guanheng a look, asking for help, anything to be honest, yet he is quick to shrug. Renjun guesses that he too has no idea on what was currently happening in the dining room. 

Before Renjun realizes it, he was already outside, trailing behind the man in front of him. He quickly notices his broad shoulders and takes them into account, he dares not to pull out his notebook, it was too risky now. He ingrains the picture in his mind, estimating its width, and how prominent his muscles were. 

“Sorry.” Yukhei mutters, Renjun snaps back to reality and asks him to repeat what he said.

“I said I’m sorry.” He says, now turning around. Renjun finally has his first good look at Yukhei. 

Huge eyes, tall nose, thick brows, and don’t even get him started in his lips. Renjun notices how perfect his proportions were. Excited, he immediately observes his face a bit more. 

He firstly takes note of how his ears perk up, how its cartilages are formed uniquely compared to ears he had painted before. It’s quite a distinct trait and in all honesty, Renjun finds it quite adoring.

“It’s fine. Beaches are fine.” He replies dryly and walks faster to catch up with the prince. 

“So what did they tell you?” Yukhei asks him. Renjun coughs, clearly caught off-guard by the sudden query. 

“Excuse me?” He asked again for safe measure. 

“About me. What did they tell you about me? My family background, all of that, what did they say to you.” He answers back, looking over his shoulder.

“Ah, well to be frank—“ 

“They told you about my parents, didn’t they.” Yukhei deadpans, Renjun could only nod, he doesn't even try to lie to the prince, especially to his face.

Renjun doesn’t glance away, still looking at his side profile, trying his best to proportion out his face, he slowly sketches out his head on the side of his trousers with his index finger, it became a habit of his to do so. 

He conditions himself to know where his eyes lie, where his nose would protrude out, everything he sees right now is immediately memorized by his fingers. 

“Of course they would, now I’d have to tell you too.” He walks away, fuming with anger, as he kicks the dirt on his feet. Renjun fastens his pace in walking while making sure that they are on the same wavelength.

”We’re not obligated to discuss what happened, Sir.” Renjun replies quickly enough and dodges the conversation. 

“Don’t be too formal with me. I thought you were hired to be my friend.” Yukhei scoffs.

“I’m sorry, Yukhei.” It doesn’t roll off the tongue quite easily in Renjun’s opinion. 

Yukhei’s shoulders eased up a bit, they were still stiff, but not as much as before.

“It’s fine. I’m just a bit tense. I’m normally not like this.”

They slowly approach the shore, they hear the sand crunch and bundle up underneath their feet, the smell of the sea breeze welcomes both of them. It's good how the view fills out the silence between them, Renjun was still hesitating to engage in conversation, still not knowing what was running in the prince’s mind, so he lets the waves crashing drown them both out.

After a few minutes, Renjun tries to initiate the conversation “Do you go here often?” he asks, trying to make himself look more trustable since that’s what he needed to be. Yukhei hums, not saying a word, before taking off his sandals and running off to the baseline of the shore. 

“Yukhei? Yukhei!” He shouts, hurriedly following the other. The sand slowly gets in his shoes, it’s uncomfortable and extremely hard to run in them. He huffs and still tries his best to follow suit, not letting a hint of lethargy show. Yukhei stops as soon as his feet meet the water, Renjun does too and examines him from afar.

“Do you like to swim?” The prince asks, rolling his pants up to his knees, Renjun shakes his head. 

“Well you should now.” He crouches and seemed to be holding something in his hands. Renjun sits down on the sand and lets the prince do what he wants to do, as long as he was able to do his thing and doesn't disrupt his sketching. He makes sure that the prince wasn't looking whenever he would, only getting glimpses of his profile, afraid that he might get caught due to suspicion. Although he's working with less of what he was promised, he's just glad that this wasn't as bad compared to that one time he had to paint someone baseless and only by description.

The distance between them was quite far, Renjun took this as an opportunity to draw out his notebook and pencil. He takes short glances, at his hands, and sketches them out, striking out fine lines, adding details to where his veins would be visible. He quickly notices how huge his hands were, and takes note of it immediately, he doesn’t pressure himself into doing these, reminding himself that this is similar to his warm-ups, and he should be familiar with how this goes. 

He finally sketches out his torso, great muscle mass, Renjun notes, small waist, broad shoulders, and—

“Are you not joining me?” Yukhei shouts across the beach, Renjun’s thoughts are immediately cut short.

“Oh!” Renjun replies, kicking the sand off his feet, stumbling, before standing upright while hiding the notebook behind his back. 

“I can’t!” He adds, cautious to what the prince’s next moves were. 

“It’s either you come here, or I drag you here, you choose.” He demands, and uncrosses his arms to point the ground on where he stands.

“I thought we were friends!” 

“Not yet, we are.” Is what he says before running towards Renjun direction. Renjun hastily runs away, finally placing his notebook in his pocket. He curses under his breath, asking himself why on earth had the boy be athletic. 

Yukhei almost closes the gap between them, Renjun visibly alarmed, takes a sharp right, towards the sea itself. 

“Did you know that I am one of the fastest kids back in the academy?” 

“I can tell!” Renjun huffs, finally kicking off his shoes to give himself a boost. He’s nearing the shoreline, he feels the cold water splashing against his feet, with nowhere else to go and nothing to do he finally raises both arms, signaling defeat from the other.

Yukhei chuckles, before stopping in front of him, “Do you have a great sense of balance, Mr. Renjun?”

“I’m surprised you even know my name.” Renjun retorts, before following up with “And to answer your question, yes, I’d like to believe I do have a great sense of balance—“ Renjun suddenly feels a force pushing on his shoulders. He quickly feels the cold water soak his clothes, The waves crashing against his body, he feels his chest cavity compress around his lungs as he sways along with the current. His body freezes instantly from his head to toes. 

“Well you thought wrong.” Yukhei laughs. Renjun looks up in disbelief. 

”Lend me a hand.”

“Can’t get yourself up Renjun?—“ He says while reaching out a hand, Renjun doesn’t spare any second to yank his hand forward. Yukhei inevitably topples over beside him, his arms flailing as he falls on the water, face first. 

“Fuck!” He shouts, whipping his head out of the shallow waters. 

“Profanities, Mr. Wong.” Renjun replies, still sitting beside him, his chest still submerged in the waters. Yukhei covers his mouth before coughing, still shaken up by the sudden swim.

Renjun chuckles beside him before slowly getting up, he pulls the hem of his shirt and twists it to get the ‘water weight’ off of him. His hair dripping with water, so he ruffles it up, spraying mist everywhere. 

“Why don’t you tell me about yourself?” Yukhei says out of the blue, as he stays submerged under the water.

“You want to know about me?” Renjun pointed out his chest, incredulous with what he heard. Yukhei nods back, completely serious.

“If we’re being companions, I should at least know what your interest and hobbies are.” Yukhei states, looking up at the younger with his eyebrows slightly raised. 

“Or what’s your favorite childhood memory, I don’t know, just tell me anything.” He says before submerging his head underwater. Renjun takes this time to quickly think about something, or at least, pull something out of his ass.

Yukhei resurfaces again, wiping the water off his face so he can see Renjun more clearly. “So?” he asks impatiently.

“Well, I can play one song on the piano?” Renjun says with uncertainty, it was the only interesting thing about himself, other than him being a painter and whatnot. Yukhei raises a brow and Renjun likes to think that it’s because of amusement, but he knows he is dead wrong.

“That’s it? That’s the only thing you want to tell me?” Unimpressed, Yukhei submerges himself underwater again.

“Well, what do you expect me to say?” Renjun shouts, he crosses his arms after feeling the sea breeze get a bit stronger. 

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.” Yukhei says raising his head up, before submerging his head again, not really interested in the two cents Renjun had to give.

Renjun rolls his eyes, before waiting for the prince to resurface again.

“My mother taught me how to play the song!” He blurts out, Yukhei doesn’t submerge his head this time around. 

“Continue.” Yukhei says, Renjun looks over him, and sees how his ear immediately perked up and his eyes shined when he heard the word ‘mother’, Renjun finds it quite sad.

“Well, as a child, I wanted to play the piano, we just couldn’t afford a governess.” He says, looking if Yukhei was still interested in the two cents he had to say. Thankfully, he was.

“Good thing is my mother knew how to play the piano. She taught me to play that single song alone, and that was the only piece I’ve ever learned.” Renjun said. Yukhei purses his lips again and nods to acknowledge the ‘dedication’ Renjun had over playing the piano.

“Do you know what the piece was called?” Genuinely curious, he begins to move closer.

“No, but it goes like—“ Renjun begins to hum the unnamed sonata. Yukhei begins to sway his head side to side, showing that he was enjoying the mini-musical performance.

Once Renjun was finished, Yukhei began to cheer for him, clapping and whistling. Renjun wonders if it was really genuine. “That was magnificent, I almost mistook it as a cantata.” 

“Now you’re making fun of me.” Renjun crosses his arms in disbelief at how he was making fun of, and was also not taken seriously. Yukhei laughs in response.

“I am not!” He shoots back, he then raises his left hand and vows that he wasn’t.

“Last time I checked, Oaths were done while using their right hand.” Renjun snickers, pulling Yukhei’s left arm down and correcting it by using his right.

“You know what I meant!”

“I sure do.” 

Renjun smiles at him, Yukhei does too. Both of them didn’t say anything afterward, both too immersed with each other’s presence. Renjun hasn’t felt this for so long, it’s been a while since he had loosened up, and actually enjoyed what he was doing. Yukhei felt like a breath of fresh air.

Both of them walk back to the baseline, still dripping wet from entering the water, the clothes made it a bit uncomfortable to walk in, yet they didn’t mind. Renjun didn’t care how the water from his clothes made it harder to walk up the hill, nothing can ruin today-- or so he thought.

As they were finally approaching the mansion, Renjun felt something poke the side of his thigh, curious, he began to dig in his pockets. Suddenly, realization hits him with a brick.

_The notebook, the fucking notebook._

He peeks at the side of his trousers, the outline of it was barely visible but still. The only sketches he had were in those, and he feels himself deflate due to the misfortune.

Wanting to see if the damages were reversible, he is quick to run off to his room, saying ‘goodbye’ to the prince before running to his room. Once he closes his room shut, he is quick to take the notebook out from his pocket, and there it was, his references soaking wet, on the brink of ripping into two parts.

He throws his wet notebook on the side, and takes his tunic off, although his notebook was wet, he was still weirdly stressed and relieved from what happened today. Firstly, the notebook filled with sketches of Yukhei in detail is now wet and is yet to be a weird clump of paper, judging by how it falls apart. He’ll try his best to salvage the paper at a later time but as of the moment, all he could think about is Yukhei.

Yukhei was an enigma.

What once he thought as an absolutely cold and distant person, was actually the whole opposite. It might’ve been how threatening he looked or how his voice was, but alas, he was still proven wrong. The idea he had of Yukhei was completely wrong, and the more he tries to get to know him, the more he doesn’t understand.

He thinks about how easy everything was with him, it’s like they instantly clicked, and he found it quite alarming because his first response seeing him was hostile. From how Yukhei easily warmed up to him, and to how he immediately found out that he’s the human embodiment of the sun itself, bright and blinding. 

Now Renjun feels sick to his stomach, knowing that he will betray Yukhei’s trust one way or another. It was easy at first, Renjun thinks. Since he didn’t know who Yukhei was and saw him as an idea only and not an actual person, It made Renjun think that he could easily pull off what he had to do, but he was so wrong, so so wrong.

He tries to convince himself that it was fine, he tries his best to. _It’s not that bad,_ is what he says to reassure himself. It isn’t that bad if he doesn’t dwell on it even more. 

He forces himself to distract his thoughts, looking over at a lit lamp on his desk, he tries to focus on the idea that it was already dim, and that the sun was already going down. Anything else but that. But before he could even distract himself from the Yukhei thing, he realizes fairly quickly that he made zero progress for today, which bums him out a lot more.

He smothers his face with his pillow, thinking about it. He groans out loud, before looking to his left to see the canvas bare, but with a portion in the upper-right corner painted, yet not the model himself was in there. He rolls his eyes in pure annoyance.

“This is fine, I'm going to be fine, I have been painting before I could even read, I can handle this fine.” He reassures himself before reaching for his notebook, hanging at the edge of his bed. He takes his sweet time to check the pages one by one, his old sketches were soiled, the ink bled through the thin pieces of paper, and he hasn’t even reached Yukhei’s sketches. He takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself, in case the sketches he did can no longer be worked with. He flips it carefully, making sure to not rip the flimsy paper into half. And there the sketches were, smeared and smudged all over, he can barely recognize what the first sketch used to me. 

Renjun tries to jog his memory, his muscle memory to be exact if his own memory fails him and hinders him from remembering what it looked like, his muscle memory won’t. He remembers drawing with his fingers, Renjun is delighted as he grabs an extra piece of paper and immediately scribbles all over it, thank god the footnotes were still eligible though, if not, he would’ve been fucked over. 

In a frenzy, he sketches out Yukhei’s hands, remembering how slender his digits were, the shape of his nails were elongated, oval-ish, if he remembers correctly, clean cut nails, with a very neat cuticle. His heart skips a beat, _he really has pretty hands._

Renjun shakes off this thought, his cheeks suddenly feel flushed, “It must be because of the heat.” he whispers to himself as he pushes the lamp farther using the pencil between his fingers. He massages his face, trying to rub off the warmth from his cheek, as the hair from his arms raises. 

Renjun assumes that he might’ve caught a fever by now, he curses himself and Yukhei for pulling him in the water. He quickly tosses the notebook to god knows where, seeing that there was no need for them anymore, he got what he needed for the commission. He then prepares himself for sleep, smoothing down his pillow so it doesn’t feel that bulky, before kicking and tucking his blankets underneath his feet. He could only wish that he feels better by tomorrow.

“It’s going to be a long day.”

* * *

“Guanheng?” Renjun calls out from the kitchen, the boy looks over and nods at him, dropping his rags on the sink, and heads over to where Renjun was standing.

“Yes?” He answers attentively, his hands folded neatly over his abdomen. 

“Can you do me a favor?” He asks, with his fingers crossed behind his back, wishing that he would agree.

“It depends on what the favor is, Sir.” He replies curtly, he raises a single brow, suspicious of what the other might’ve been conspiring to.

“I need you to pose for me.”

“Right now, Sir?”He whispers as another servant passes in front of them. His eyes filled with doubt and worry.

“No, but maybe when Yukhei and I return from the beach?” Renjun says, his voice rising a pitch higher at the end of the sentence, expressing uncertainty. 

Guanheng hums, he taps on his chin and thinks about considering Renjun’s request. 

“I'm available by noon, so if you’re not back here by then, I may not pose for you.” He replies dryly. Renjun clasps his hands, overjoyed with his decision. He makes sure to thank Guanheng over and over before he heads out.

“Yes, I know what you mean Sir, but now you must go.” He says, pointing behind him. He sees Yukhei, already leaning against the door frame, a smile etched on his lips.

He mumbles out an incoherent ‘ _thank you’_ before heading towards the prince’s direction.

“What was that?” He asks, trying to pry out information from Renjun.

“Oh nothing.” he stammers, smiling guiltily at him. Yukhei shrugs it off, dismissing it as not important, before asking Renjun if he had eaten yet.

“Honestly, I still feel bad for not letting you eat breakfast yesterday.” He says, scratching his nape, Renjun nods again, without saying any word. He immediately starts to draw on the side of his trousers again, trusting his finger to do the work, and help him remember his proportions.

Despite Yukhei offering him breakfast, he was quick to decline, knowing that he needs to finish early so Guanheng could pose for him the whole afternoon, it was a pretty busy day for him, and having a meal might take a lot from his time. Although Yukhei didn't back down quickly, he asks not once, but twice before heading out, making sure if he was completely fine with heading out on an empty stomach, Renjun nods without hesitation.

The walk from the mansion to the shore itself is quite short if he reconsiders it. The first time he ever climbed the steep hill was three days ago, with luggages. _It wasn’t that bad,_ he thinks as he slowly reaches the last step. 

He gazes over at Yukhei, examining his facial features all over again, but now from a different angle, he already has countless images of Yukhei in his mind, he adds this new one to his collection. Although disorganized, it’s good to keep track of what he has to work with. 

Something about his face makes it impossible to look away, his eyes shining underneath the bright sun, his high nose, a very nice jaw. Renjun swallows the imaginary lump in his throat, he struggles to breathe, and accidentally gasps for holding his breath for too long.

“Are you okay?” Yukhei asks, concerned by his companion, Renjun nods, brushing off Yukhei’s concern and the rapid beating of his chest. He was scared, terrified even, afraid of what the current event might transpire into. 

“Maybe I’m just tired.” Which was half-true. Exasperated by the sun’s heat, he wipes a streak of sweat by the side of his forehead. “Had a fever last night, I thought it would go down by now.” He adds. Yukhei quickly stands up close to him, his hot breath fanning over his cheek, “May I check?” He asks, staring directly into Renjun’s eyes.

“Yes, please.” He whispers, Yukhei nods before placing the back of his hand on Renjun’s forehead. 

“You’re pretty warm.” He replies, he quickly turns around before looking back at Renjun. His gaze lingers. “We should head back.” 

“No, no it’s fine.”

“But I insist.” Yukhei says, boring holes into the painter’s skull. Renjun swallows the imaginary lump in his throat again, he quickly gives in with what Yukhei wanted, he was left no choice, and he couldn’t resist either, as much as he wanted to, he just couldn’t, and he doesn’t know why.

As they both started to walk back up again, Renjun began to feel dread creep behind his back.

* * *

Renjun hands Guanheng a lavish white coat with golden buttons and epaulettes, two vertical stripes lining his chest and shoulder loops made out of golden fleece, along with a tunic as an undershirt and a pair of trousers. Lastly, he hands him a scarlet sash, pinned with numerous medallions

“Hold on sir, you mean I'm wearing _this?_ ” He asks, letting the neatly folded clothes lay on his arms. 

“Yes? Is there something wrong?” Renjun asks, alarmed, and shuffles quickly to provide Guanheng with aid. 

“No! Heaven’s no! It’s just that—“ He pauses, sucking his teeth in before continuing what he was about to say. “Am I allowed to wear this? 

“Sure you can.” Renjun smiles, as he pushes him behind the dressing screen. Guanheng remains hesitant, still looking at Renjun with doubt and worry as if he was telling him with his eyes that _‘If I wear this, the prince will kill me!’._

Renjun doesn’t bother checking on him twice, it was no use reassuring him, knowing that he will wear it either way.

“I’m going to prepare the oil paints, just tell me you’re ready!” He shouts out as he opens the crate filled with oil cans. He automatically smiles as he takes these out one by one, excited since he hasn’t painted for so long. 

The smell wafts all over the room, different aromas for each one, some were grinded with safflower oil and some with flaxseed, the smell varied for each paint, and oh how he missed the smell of nuttiness from each one. He prepares his brushes, cleaning them thoroughly with a small rug, before finally, the canvas itself.

The brown paint in the corner was already dry, the sole purpose of it was so that Renjun can remember what shade of brown he was using. He already did it the day he first arrived here.

Renjun deems the shade suitable for the whole ensemble, the shade of burnt oak looked perfect contrasting the white coat. He smiles with satisfaction.

“I’m decent, I guess.” Guanheng says before walking out. “It’s a bit loose in some parts though.” 

Guanheng stands, with the white coat hanging on his shoulder, his hair swept a bit on the side. If Renjun didn’t know any better, he might’ve assumed he was the prince instead. 

“It looks amazing on you.” He looks in awe, as he quickly directs Guanheng to his seat. 

“Thank you.” He replies and plops down on a high stool, his legs poised gracefully.

“You look like royalty.” He compliments him again, Guanheng forces down a smile, before thanking Renjun again, he blushes.

“Now—“ Renjun walks back to his own stool and easel. “Will you please place your right hand on top of your hip?” He gestures this and shows it to Guanheng, “Like so.”

Guanheng follows suit, his face stoic as he places his hand neatly on his hip.

“Now prop your left elbow on the pedestal, and make sure to tilt your head towards the left.” Guanheng does so, holding his head a bit high. Renjun signals a thumbs up before grabbing his pencil.

“Now try to stay still as much as possible.” He grins, and before he could even lay a stroke down, the door swings open.

It reveals what seemed to be the servant who had welcomed him, two nights ago. 

“Guanheng?” He looks in disbelief, not even approaching him. 

“Dejun!— I—“ He stumbles on his words, before standing straight up and walks towards him. Renjun quietly looks from afar and watches how the scene unfolds. 

“What on earth are you wearing?” His cheeks softly glowing pink, Renjun notices. He bites his bottom lip, preventing himself from laughing at Guanheng’s misfortune.

“I am posing as substitute for Master Yukhei’s portrait.” He replies, his pupils waver. They were standing close to each other, it felt so intimate, to the point that Renjun felt like he had the need to look away. 

Dejun stutters, his mouth failing him, right in front of two people, and is too flustered to even meet Guanheng’s gaze.

Renjun could only wonder what was between the two of them, obviously, there was tension, but he saw something else in there, he just couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was. 

“Oh, uh, I was about to ask how Mr. Huang was feeling, I didn’t bother knocking since I assumed he was bed-ridden.” He explains himself, looking over at Renjun who was alienated from the conversation minutes ago.

Both divert their attention to Renjun again, “Mr. Yukhei wanted to ask how were you feeling? He was planning to come down but he was called by Mr. Qian for some unknown reason.” 

“Oh, Please tell him to not go out of his way to visit me, I’m doing just fine, just a small fever, that’s all.” He smiles.

“I will make sure to relay the message.” Dejun then excuses himself, before giving Guanheng a look. He silently retreats from the room, and from the looks of it, Guanheng wanted to do the same too.

“Want to share anything, Guanheng?” Renjun snickers, as he watches him take his place on the stool.

“It doesn’t involve you, so I am not going to discuss it.” 

“Ah, so there’s an ‘it’” Renjun says, finally laying his stroke on the canvas.

“If you don’t change the subject in the next ten seconds, I will strip in front of you and will never come back here to pose for you ever again.” Guanheng grits his teeth whilst still being in a stiff position, and Renjun makes sure to never bring up the topic ever again.

* * *

Hours spent on the portrait quickly turn into days, but due to Guanheng’s help, he made things a bit easier for him. Renjun looks at the portrait he has done for three days, he only takes breaks whenever he’s with Yukhei, and his breaks are even spent observing his face, making sure that every detail was made right. He might as well be working on it 24/7.

And on the fifth day after his arrival is where he finishes the portrait. There it was, leaning on the easel, it was barely dry, but he thinks it’s already done. Finally feeling accomplished, he sits on his bed, and stares at his work, he gives himself a pat on the back. May this be one of many of his future successes.

But instead of relief, he feels empty, sick even. This was one of his biggest accomplishments, yet not a single part of his brain wants to celebrate the momentous occasion.

He brushes the feeling off before changing his shirt, removing the stained one from paint and hurriedly goes to Kun to tell him that the commission was done. 

“But before you come look at it, I would like the prince to see it first.” He requests, Kun takes a few seconds to respond, he nods although unsure, it was clear both of them were nervous, after pulling this risky and ridiculous stunt, they knew Yukhei wouldn't like this at all. Kun nods at him, exchanging thoughts with him without saying anything, _This is it, this is finally it._ Renjun psychs himself up, finally exiting the room and heads to the next room where Yukhei was, he was already fixing his sandals, he then puts on his sunhat just right before he could lock eyes with Renjun.

In an instant, Yukhei smiles brightly at the sight, he waves at him.

“You ready?” He asks, handing him his sandals from one of the racks. Renjun doesn’t speak at first.

He feels sick to his stomach. He has finally come to a realization with what he had done. He suddenly had an urge to vomit, everything was finally sinking in. He knew this was going to hurt him, and can’t do anything about it. 

The painting was in full completion, and all he can think about is how he double-crossed the prince.

“About that.” Renjun takes a deep breath.

“I want you to come with me to my room.” Yukhei raises a brow, Renjun notices how eager he was in going with him, he wishes he wasn’t.

“Got me a surprise?” He retorts, Renjun ignores this and continues to walk downstairs. 

With a heavy heart, he opens his room, he lets Yukhei enter first, then him. After they both got inside, Renjun closed the door behind him, shut.

“What’s all of this?” He smiles, still looking at Renjun. Meanwhile, Renjun tries to keep track of his breathing, everything about this was so nerve wracking, he wanted to hide in his own shell and never come out.

After a moment of silence, Renjun finally speaks up.

“Yukhei, I’m a painter.” Renjun admits, no longer hiding what he truly was.

In mere seconds, his face immediately turns sour. It wasn't hard to put two and two together, he probably already knew what comes next. His breathing gets a lot more labored. He purses his lips, Renjun assumes that he might’ve been thinking of saying something by the way he sucks in his bottom lip. 

“That explains all the looks you give.” Yukhei whispers, he might think he was discreet but Renjun heard him, and before he could even ask him what he meant, Yukhei was quick enough to prevent him from doing so.

“Show me the painting.” is all Yukhei had to say before Renjun directed him to the painting itself. 

Both of them stand in front of the painting, looking intently.

“What do you think?” Renjun asks, nervous with what the other had to say, ever since he had laid his eyes on the painting, he seemed to not be satisfied with the quality.

“That is not me.” Yukhei says while looking him straight in the eye.

“What?” Renjun answered, his brain completely going haywire, not even sure if he heard him correctly.

“You asked me to critique the painting, so I am critiquing it.” He replies dryly. “You do take my criticism seriously, right?”

“I consider your opinion as the same level of god’s on judgment day.” Renjun says, his chest starts to feel heavy as he looks back at the painting itself, he was right, it does not look like him at all.

“It’s a great painting per se, but that is not me.” Yukhei answers, pointing towards the portrait of _‘himself’_

“But painting has its rules, ideas, and convention, and your presence is fully made up by fleeting memories.” Renjun defends himself.

“And therefore explains why the painting is lifeless.”

"Not everything is fleeting, Renjun. Out of all people, you should know that."

Renjun takes a step back, taking what Yukhei said to heart. He knew the other said this, not because he was infuriated with what he had done, but because that is what he observed.

It was as if his head was submerged in cold, cold waters. It was numbing. His mind runs endlessly from the statement. Yukhei was right, it never looked like him in the first place. 

He could hear Kun’s steps nearing the room itself, in a panicked state, he hastily approached the painting and smeared the prince’s profile with his bare hands. The paint smudges, ruining the portrait itself. 

Renjun looks over at his stained hand and completely ignores Yukhei’s calls. He grabs a towel and begins to wipe his hand on it.

Not long after, Kun enters the room, he looks with concern over the painter as he witnesses him rubbing his hand vigorously over a piece of cloth.

“Give me a few more days.” Renjun pleads, walking towards the elder. Kun manages to look past him and sees the painting destroyed.

Disappointed, he approaches the painter.

“Pack up your things and go.” He says as he picks up the rug from the floor and shoves it on his chest.

Renjun kneels, his eyes slowly getting blurry from the tears that threaten to fall from his eyes.

“Three days, that is all I need.” He begs again, his fist clenched over the wiping rag he used. 

Renjun notices that the prince has stood forward in front of Renjun, His heels were directly in front of his face. He tries to prepare himself before Yukhei starts to berate him.

“He’s not leaving.” Yukhei interrupts the both of them.

“Give him another chance and I’ll pose for him.”

Renjun looks up, his heart beating out of his chest, no way did he hear him right.

“Would you really?” Kun asks, his eyes slightly widened after hearing what Yukhei had to say. Renjun could feel shame rise in him, knowing that Yukhei was only doing this for pity.

“Yes.” Yukhei then extends a hand to Renjun. He accepts this begrudgingly.

“You told me you were out for voyage, am I right?” Yukhei interrogates, he walks circles around the older, as if he was some kind of vulture, about to ambush his prey.

“Yes, for five days.” Kun replies and turns where Yukhei stands. He nods in satisfaction.

“Give him five days to finish the portrait, then we’re settled.” 

Kun looks over at Renjun, his eyes still hesitant if he should be allowed to be given another chance. Renjun pleads with his eyes, slowly watering from the feeling of dread.

“Fine, but when I come back, the portrait must be in full completion.” And with that Kun turns around and closes the door shut. Leaving the two to fix whatever they had between them.

* * *

Kun leaves the day after, before dawn, before Renjun and Yukhei could even bid him goodbye. 

The tension between the two is still heavy, too thick for anyone to cut through with, which is why Renjun is thankful with Guanheng’s and Dejun’s existence.

“So he decides to pose for you out of the blue?” Guanheng asks as he bites out of the apple from his hand, Renjun only nods in response, silent as his mind was still disoriented from what had happened the day before. 

Dejun covers his mouth, fascinated by the current drama occurring inside the household.

“So when are you going to start painting?” He asks again.

“In the afternoon, maybe? He told me we would be taking a stroll today before he left.” 

Renjun remembers vividly how the whole fiasco went down, and he wants it burned from his memory, from the disappointment in his eyes to the way he slammed the door shut, everything. He tries to distract himself and gazes out of the window, he quickly noticed that the sun had risen at the peak spot in the sky. It was finally time to face Yukhei. 

“I must go now, thank you for the breakfast, Dejun.” He smiles before bowing at him. Dejun grins before telling him that it was no big deal and they should do it more often. Renjun nods in agreement, clearly looking forward to it, as it was the only good thing that was happening right now. He then excuses himself, leaving the two alone and headed to the main room.

Although nervous, Renjun tries to think positively, what was the worst thing that could happen? The inevitable reveal of his true identity already happened, and he assumes nothing can top that. His breath hitches, finally a few steps away from the room where Yukhei would always wait for him, he feels his stomach drop.

He takes a step, then another, then finally, Yukhei is in sight. He wasn’t smiling or anything, just gazing out the window, his arm propped up on the sill, his thoughts seemed to be heavy from what Renjun observes. He thinks carefully, still hesitant to approach the prince while he’s still in deep thought. He reassesses the situation, trying to figure out if it was a good time to show up, after everything that happened.

He takes a step back, his hands start fidgeting, he looks troubled. Maybe this wasn’t an ideal time for visiting. 

Deciding that the right option was to walk away, he turned his heel around and started to walk forward, but not until the floorboards accidentally creaked underneath him. The prince turned around and has now met his gaze, fully aware of his presence. 

His chest rises, he experiences shortness of breath, he feels his palms starting to sweat. Unnerving is what you can describe the situation as at the very least.

“How long have you been here?” He asks, letting his elbow drop from the window sill.

Renjun, dumbfounded, began to stumble upon his words, his voice sounded unsure, he could no longer hear himself due to the blaring ringing in his ears.

Yukhei looks at him with concern again, carefully approaching the painter, in case he might startle him more. He lays a hand on his shoulder before asking him if he was alright.

“Oh.” Renjun jumps a bit. His shoulder tenses, he quickly removes his hand off of him.

“I’m alright. Shall we go?” Renjun asks, not daring to look Yukhei in the eye. He has his eyes fixated on the floorboards, he just couldn’t look him in the eye, he just can’t. 

Renjun spends the entire walk quiet, his mouth fully shut. He doesn’t even bother looking up to see where they were going, he wasn’t in the mood to.

Renjun sees that instead of sandy ground, they were walking in plain grass, it was the first time he had seen greenery ever since he came here, the yellow-brownish color became such an eyesore for him, so it was actually really nice to see the blades of grass, and feel them brush against his feet.

“We’re here.” Yukhei says quietly. Renjun’s gaze wanders, he notices the sea, but from a new perspective, he was high, very high off the ground, he could clearly see the line where the sea meets the sky. Renjun realizes that Yukhei brought him to the cliff.

Renjun walks over to the ledge, looking under it to see the waves crashing against the rocks below. It was sort of soothing, the urge he had to jump down and see how things were down there was getting stronger, the oblivion pulled him closer to the ledge as if it was calling him by his name, tempting him to get closer. 

Renjun in no means, wanted to die, no, he doesn’t, what was running inside his mind was far from that. It was the feeling of falling that piqued his interest, the feeling of letting himself go and letting the wind take him from where he needed to be. 

He is quickly pulled back by Yukhei, since he was getting dangerously close to the edge, too close for Yukhei’s liking. Renjun doesn’t stop him, letting himself fall on his chest. 

“I’m sorry.” Renjun mutters, Yukhei doesn’t hear him. They walk over to a much safer place, still on the cliff, but nowhere near its edges. Yukhei doesn’t let go of Renjun’s wrist, if anything, he was even holding it a lot tighter, Renjun fears that it might even cut off the blood supply from his arm.

Yukhei is the first one to sit on the plot of grass, he pulls Renjun down with him, tugging his arm very lightly, and patting the grass before Renjun sits on it. Renjun thanks him, his voice still low and mum. Yukhei nods back, before leaning back and overviewing the scenery. 

“Why did you agree to pose for me?” Renjun finally says what he had in mind for the whole duration they have been together. He tries to calm himself by pulling on the grass below.

Yukhei shrugs, before diverting his gaze to the scenery again, “I have my reasons.” 

Renjun doesn’t dare to question Yukhei’s answer, he was scared to. 

“Did you know I believe in mermaids.” Yukhei says, changing the topic of the conversation, and Renjun didn’t mind at all. Renjun looks at him before shaking his head a ‘no’. 

“It made me cope easier.” Renjun knows exactly what he was talking about, from the way he looks distantly at the sea, ‘til the way his lip twitches from withholding a frown.

“It’s nice to fantasize about it.” He follows up, Renjun sucks on his bottom lip, still staring intently at Yukhei. 

“Fifteen-year-old Yukhei likes to think that his parents are taken care of, and is living at the ocean floor, alive and well.” He smiles bitterly and exhales a painful sigh. Renjun could feel the pain Yukhei was currently going under. 

With forlorn looks, Renjun takes this as a good time to hold his hand, just to let him know that he was there for him. He grabs his left hand and holds it tightly, Yukhei casually intertwines their fingers together. 

Renjun then begins to rub comforting circles on the prince’s thumb. Yukhei bites his lip, Renjun swears he could hear how loud his heart was thumping.

“It happened six years ago, but it still feels fresh.” Yukhei mumbles under his breath, Renjun doesn’t dare look away, clearly wanting him to know that he has his full utmost attention. 

“I haven’t talked to anyone about it, even Kun.” 

“Which makes me think why I told you about it.” He chuckles, his hand still intertwined with his. Renjun sees him gaze over their hands, examining and observing how they fit with each other. Renjun couldn't help but think that this meant something more. With the way, Yukhei was holding him oh-so fervently, and how his eyes conveyed something more than words, there's no way all of this meant nothing at all.

“You really have dainty hands.” He blurts out again out of the blue, making the situation light again. Renjun laughs as a response and begins squeezing his hand. 

“Your birthmark is really pretty too.” Yukhei points out again, now placing both their hands above his thighs so he can have a better look. Renjun leans over more, his head resting on Yukhei’s shoulder. 

“Most people think it’s a bruise.” He says, raising their hands up, still refusing to let go of the other. 

“I can see why.” Yukhei purses his lips together, “Still pretty, nonetheless.” 

Renjun could feel his cheeks slowly heating up from being showered with praises, he hides his face on Yukhei’s shoulders due to embarrassment. 

For a while, Yukhei begins to tell a few anecdotes from his youth. Renjun listens intently, immersed with how his eyes twinkle while telling stories, may it be good or bad. Renjun finds his consolation in Yukhei, and Renjun hopes he does too. 

As soon as the sun was slowly settling down, both had decided it was time to go back. Their hands were still intertwined, swaying front and back between them, In all honesty, Renjun doesn’t want to let go. All he feels right now is comfort and contentment, he fears that once he pulls away, that too will be taken away from him.

Renjun observed Yukhei’s face again, but this time around, he was no longer hiding who he was.

Yukhei smiles at him, finally in front of the main door, Renjun realizes that the time is up and that he has to face reality again. He slowly lets go of Yukhei’s hand, and for a brief second, he feels Yukhei’s grasp his again, not wanting to let go. Renjun brushes this off, and with lingering feelings, they enter the premises as if nothing had happened.

* * *

Yukhei walks out of the dressing screen, wearing the white coat, silk sash, and the pair of trousers Renjun gave him, although he had seen Guanheng wear this, He quickly realizes how different it looked compared to when Guanheng wore it. 

On Yukhei, it's much more of a tight fit, since it was perfectly tailored for him. He definitely looked like royalty now. The clinking of medallions gets louder as he approaches Renjun. He quickly diverts his gaze towards somewhere else, in hopes that Yukhei didn’t catch him staring.

“Renjun, Do you mind helping me with the sash?” He asks, his hands fiddling on his side, and couldn’t seem to pin it down properly. 

Renjun, without saying anything, removes Yukhei’s hands so he can see where the garments were supposed to meet. He doesn’t dare look up again, he didn’t know the reason behind this, but the only thing he knows right now is that being this close to Yukhei makes him irrationally nervous. 

He holds his breath involuntarily again, his hand fiddling with the sash, trying to find the proper spot where to pin it down. He moves away every now and then, observing if it looked proper and right, before finally finding the perfect place to put it down. He then finally takes in an awful amount of air.

“Much better now.” He mutters, slightly out of breath, before directing Yukhei to sit on the high stool. Renjun walks back to the back of his easel before asking Yukhei to pose.

“Will you please put your right hand on top of your hip.” Renjun says, Yukhei couldn’t follow.

“Like this.” Renjun gestures and turns around so he can see what hand was used. Yukhei then nods and copies exactly what Renjun did. Renjun nods before instructing him again. 

“Now, tilt your head to the left and prop your right elbow to that thing next to you.” Yukhei does so, before apologizing and excusing himself for being nervous.

"This is my first time posing"

“I can tell.” Renjun says, quickly noticing how stiff he looked, he hurriedly approaches him, correcting his posing and his overall posture.

“Relax a little.” He says, pressing on his biceps, Yukhei does. He breathes deeply, closing his eyes for a moment, and loosens up. 

“You get really stiff when you’re nervous.” Renjun comments while fixing Yukhei’s elbows, he chuckles at what Renjun had said about him, his eyes darting away. He bites on lips slightly, his mind probably already trying to come up with something he can retort back, Renjun guesses.

“And you also like biting your lip when you're thinking.” Renjun adds, finally meeting Yukhei’s eyes. Yukhei stares back at him, a small grin creeping up his face. 

“Your tells are so obvious.” He says, reaching out to fix one of the tassels. 

“You’re no different.” Yukhei replies with a light bite. “You hold your breath when you're anxious,” he says, with one of his eyebrows lifted, Renjun averts his gaze toward something else, his heart wanting to jump out of its cage.

“You look away when you can’t think of anything to say.” Renjun looks back again, squinting at him before bringing his face closer. 

“You know every habit of mine, don’t you?” Renjun replies, trying to intimidate Yukhei into backing off, he doesn’t. Instead, he moves closer to taunt him back.

Renjun didn’t know when Yukhei placed his hand against his hips, but he wasn’t complaining either. It burns, the warmth from Yukhei’s hand burns Renjun’s skin, it sets him ablaze, every inch of his body is burning, itching to move closer to Yukhei.

It’s like he normally gravitates towards his direction, the warmth radiating from him tempts him to go closer, to close the gap between them. He could feel his breath fanning against his cheek, he craved more, he wanted Yukhei to be close to him. 

Yukhei leans closer, his eyelids slowly drooping to a close, Renjun was getting in too deep, too deep for his own liking. It was getting too intimate, and Renjun was terrified. He could hear the voices at the back of his head, screaming and asking him to follow through, to finally close the gap between them.

Yet Renjun doesn’t. 

He moves away, letting his cheek graze against Yukhei’s. Yukhei finally opens his eyes again, embarrassed utmost. Renjun was too, but he didn’t want to show it, not in front of Yukhei, at least. 

Renjun walks away, he doesn’t look back at him, he was scared too, scared that if he did, he might actually go and do what he wanted to do in the first place. 

Renjun finally gets behind the easel again, quickly picking up his brush and pencil, and brushing off the heavy feeling in his chest. It was hard to ignore it, but he has to, he needs to, for the sake of his own good. 

“Shall we start?” He says, ignoring how Yukhei’s eyes yearn for him. 

* * *

The four of them sit around the servant’s dinner table, near the fireplace. The sound of crackling from the burning wood was soothing Renjun’s nerves, they’ve just finished their first painting session, and it was pretty tense. From Yukhei staring him down, to the unnecessary remarks and compliments coming from his mouth, he didn’t know if he would even come out from his room, alive. 

The whole dinner was orchestrated by Yukhei himself since he insisted on eating with the servants. He had always wanted to but was never given the opportunity due to Kun preventing him from doing so, Yukhei reasons out. On the other hand, Renjun was still a bit hesitant, not wanting to make his newfound friends uncomfortable by inviting Yukhei without their permission, he asks them about it. Dejun was delighted of course, but Guanheng wasn’t. 

Guanheng keeps on chewing on his food quietly while he looks at Dejun, who was still oblivious about Guanheng’s eyes all over him, Renjun notices. He wanted to call Guanheng out and make fun of him, and he did by kicking his shin under the table to call his attention, He silently groaned while shooting Renjun a look, the latter snickers under his breath, before placing a spoonful of food in his mouth.

Yukhei was rambling about some Greek myth, Renjun didn’t hear him quite clearly, since his thoughts were still flooded with what had happened earlier that day, good thing is, even though Renjun couldn’t pay attention, Dejun did. He was listening to him with much interest— too much interest in fact, that Renjun notices Guanheng get a bit more agitated as minutes pass by.

“They were nearing the gates, right? when all of a sudden, Orpheus turns around—“ Yukhei acts it out, turning to Renjun as he tells the story “And due to his temptation to see the love of his life, he loses her forever.” 

“Woah.” Dejun says, amazed at the story’s conclusion. “That was such a terrible move. Why on earth would he turn around?” 

“I agree!” Yukhei says. “He could’ve resisted, but he didn’t!” Yukhei says in disbelief. Renjun begins to drink the glass of water beside him. He begins to tune in, listening intently towards the heavy debate between the two, both livid by the poet in the story’s foolish act.

He then gazes at Guanheng, who seemed to be bored out of his mind as well, his head propped on his right hand while his left fiddles with the threads of the sleeve of Dejun’s tunic. His eyes glossed over as he gazes emptily at the fireplace, slowly zoning out from what was occurring at the table.

“If you were at that position, what would’ve you done?” Dejun asks enthusiastically. The question had Renjun accidentally cough up his water. Guanheng chortles quietly, finally zoning back in as he sees Renjun embarrassing himself, meanwhile, Yukhei and Dejun looks at him with concern.

“I’m fine, please go on.” Renjun says as he covers his mouth, Yukhei’s eyes linger on him longer, and Renjun wants to die at that very spot, due to humiliation. 

“Well—“ Yukhei says, his eyes now diverted back to Dejun. “I would’ve resisted.” He says proudly. 

“And why is that?” Renjun asks quickly as he wipes his mouth and places his cup down. Yukhei raises a brow before answering his question. 

“It’s because I trust them.” 

Renjun sucks on his lower lip. 

“I can go anywhere and do anything blindly because I know who I fell for.” He replies, his voice does not show any single doubt. 

“And what if you thought wrong?” Renjun retaliates again, his hand trembled slightly as the words from his mouth flow, wavering. 

“You know I’m not wrong.” Yukhei says, staring deeply into his eyes. Renjun feels himself gravitate closer to Yukhei again, his hand slowly finding its way to his under the table. He lays his hand on top of Yukhei’s fervently and gives it a light squeeze. The other looks down, and stares at their hands, before looking back up again. Renjun hopes that the dim light of the embers hides the faint blush in his cheeks.

After realizing what was going on, Guanheng was quick enough to excuse himself and Dejun to leave, Renjun, finally out of his trance, removes his hand from Yukhei. He stands up before them, and apologizes quickly.

Dejun seemed to be confused, oblivious to what was happening in front of him, fortunately, Guanheng wasn’t. He gives a quick nod at him, before mouthing a small _’thank you’_ towards his direction. He shrugs and tilts his head as he shows off that he had Dejun wrapped around his arm, clearly delighted. He then mouths a _‘thank you’_ back, Renjun nods back in acknowledgment. 

“Oh! Sorry— Yes, Of course! Have a goodnight, you two.” Renjun finally says, forcing out a smile at the both of them. They nod back, before finally turning around and leaving the two in their own devices. Renjun sighs in relief, before realizing he was still in, deep.

Renjun wasn’t ready to be left alone with Yukhei again, not now, or any time soon, but there he was, in a room with no one but Yukhei. He wants to leave, to not mind how Yukhei was silently staring at him, and to ignore the feeling he had in his chest. 

“Renjun, you do know what the purpose of the portrait was, right?” Yukhei breaks the silence between them, he nods in response.

“I’m getting married to someone I do not know, Renjun.” Renjun’s chest begins to feel heavier, burdened by what Yukhei said, clenching in so much pain from avoiding his feelings for so long. 

“I know.” Renjun whispers under his breath, his head throbbing from pushing back the tears that were threatening to fall, he wishes this wasn’t the situation they were in, he wishes they should’ve met under different circumstances, but Renjun could only wish. This was the reality between them, the bitter and harsh reality. 

Yukhei caresses Renjun’s cheek, his face showing so much pain, and Renjun didn’t want this to happen, he went to this remote island expecting to do a commission and leave with the sum of money he earned, but instead, he just had to have feelings for the prince, the fucking prince of all people. 

“Renjun, there’s no point in ignoring it anymore.” His voice cracks, before grabbing his hand again, and intertwining it together. 

“We have to.” Renjun sighs painfully, his face dangerously close to Yukhei’s. The prince shakes his head, refusing to accept his cruel fate. 

Renjun gazes at his lips, his heart begins to beat faster, it entices him to go closer, to finally seal off space between them, he aches for them. His heart beats for them, and them only. He wants his lips on his.

Renjun leans forward, he could feel Yukhei’s grip around him get tighter, he couldn’t breathe. His chest begins to rise up and down, his mind screaming and berating him, his urges once more, tries to get the best of him.

All throughout his life, he was used to being in control, to have everything in order, his life was made out of rules and conventions, his hobbies, everything. But now everything starts to spiral into a mess, the power he once had over himself begins to slip out of his grasp.

Whenever he’s with Yukhei, he always acts on his impulses, and it’s driving him mad. 

Renjun once again breaks away from his daze, after realizing the extent of the ordeal. Their lips were now inches away from each other, He sighs under his breath, processing what his impulses drove him into. He buries his face on the crook of Yukhei’s neck instead, still feeling the ache and wanting in his chest.

“For what it’s worth Yukhei, I want to kiss you too.”

* * *

Renjun takes brief glances over Yukhei, observing how the light hits his figure and creates shadows.

Ever since yesterday, both had refused to talk about what occurred , which was good in Renjun’s case, (since it saved himself from a heartbreak) although it was quite hard to act professional around Yukhei, he tries his best at least to look like he had himself together, but he knew deep inside, he wasn’t.

“You can ease up a little now.” Renjun says as he dabs his brush on the shade for his shadows, little by little, he accentuates the main points of his face, from the shadows under his eye to the vermilion border on his lip. 

Renjun feels a bit jittery, knowing that Yukhei had stood up from his chair and was now walking behind him, the clacking of his heel doesn’t make it better. 

Renjun, although experiencing difficulty in focusing on finishing the painting, he does his best in doing so. He could feel Yukhei staring at the portrait, humming every two minutes, Renjun thinks it’s a good hum, or at least what he makes himself believe. It was much easier that way.

“You’re very talented.” Yukhei says, and Renjun almost drops his brush on the floor, his mind begins to grind their gears together, in hopes that Renjun gets his ideas straight, and not mess up in talking to Yukhei again. 

He mumbles out a small thank you before diverting his attention back at the painting and making sure that everything was in its proper position. A small stroke here, and a huge stroke there, just so the portrait could look right.

He finally leans back, letting the paint dry, and takes a break. He turns around, meeting Yukhei’s eyes again, Renjun feels his heart jump out of his chest again, he ignores this and walks over to where he placed his glass of water in case he got thirsty, mid-painting. 

From his peripheral, he could see Yukhei playing with his brushes. Renjun, although found it endearing, was quick enough to tell Yukhei to be careful around the painting. As much as he wanted to extend his stay, he didn’t want to re-do the painting the third time around. 

Yukhei doesn’t say anything and brings the brushes down, Renjun sighs in relief internally before going back to drinking his water. 

Renjun didn’t notice Yukhei going near him at first, still in a daze of deep thought, he turned around, only to hit Yukhei’s chest. It hurts more than it normally should, considering the hundreds of pins and medallions on his sash, Renjun groans, holding his forehead before apologizing.

There’s a lot of discrepancies today compared to the other days before, the main root of the problem Renjun guesses is that they haven’t really talked about what happened back at the dinner, and Renjun is still hoping Yukhei doesn’t bring it up. 

As a lame attempt, Renjun tries to ease the tension inside the room by asking what Yukhei thinks about the portrait now.

Yukhei looks back again, getting a good glimpse at the painting before replying, “It’s much better than before.” Renjun finds his answer comforting.

“That’s good to know.” He says, walking up to his painting and observing it, Yukhei follows suit and examines the painting too.

“How do you know when the painting is done?” Yukhei asks, his eyes now directed to Renjun. 

“I don’t really know, to be honest.” The painter hums before adding, “At some point, you just stop.” 

At some degree, Renjun realizes how the statement meant so much. Seeing a different meaning to what he said, he looks back at Yukhei, to see if he had any input in it. 

Instead of talking, he intertwines Renjun’s hand into his, as if it’s in his second nature in doing so, it became such a habit for him, he doesn’t even do it consciously anymore. 

Renjun doesn’t bother removing his hand now, he didn’t want to. After seeing the painting slowly getting completed over time, he is reminded that everything he has right now will be a mere memory in the near future, and that’s what hurts him the most, knowing that the time they have is limited, and they don’t have forever to do the things they’ve both always wanted to do.

Renjun reminds himself that this is what was intended, it makes everything hurt less.

“Renjun—“ 

“If you’re going to bring up what happened at dinner, just forget it.” Renjun quickly shuts him down. Maybe if they didn’t talk about it, it’ll make things easier, the more he understands what they were, the harder it is to let go.

“We need to talk about it.” Yukhei says as he grips Renjun’s hand tighter once he starts to pull away from him. 

“You’re making this harder than it is now.” Renjun deadpans, he doesn’t bother pulling away at this point, knowing that Yukhei was stubborn about this.

“No. You’re the one who’s making it much more complicated than it is.” Yukhei says in exasperation.

“You can’t say things like that when I’m the one who is getting married to someone I haven’t seen or known the name of.” He lets go of Renjun’s hand, before rubbing the creases of his forehead off of his head. 

“Well, you could’ve just let me go the first time I ruined the painting! But what did you do instead? You agreed to pose for me— as if that would make a difference!” Renjun blurts in annoyance.

“If you didn’t want to get married that much, then why would’ve you agreed to pose for me?” Renjun asks, shoving his finger on Yukhei’s chest.

“Because I fell for you!” 

“I am bewitched by you, and would do anything for you— even if it costs me my own freedom.” Yukhei retorts, his voice cracking at the end of the sentence, Renjun freezes once he has heard what was revealed to him. 

“I’m stupidly head over heels for you ever since you came here, and I’m slowly losing my mind over it.” Yukhei says in frustration.

Renjun begins tuning Yukhei out, he just couldn’t believe it, there Yukhei was professing his undying love for him. He didn’t know what to do or how to act. 

The noise was slowly distracting him from his thoughts, he can’t think straight, he doesn’t hear his own thoughts anymore, any kind of logic that was in there, was now thrown out of the window, and before he even knows it, he was already lunging forward and leaving a chaste kiss on Yukhei’s mouth. He slowly backs away after he realizes what he has done.

Obviously taken aback, Yukhei closes his mouth and doesn’t say anything, Renjun could feel every single part of his body screaming at him for letting his impulses get him again, he wanted Yukhei to do or at least say something, not just stand there in silence.

As Renjun was about to go on his knees and beg for forgiveness for the sudden intrusion, Yukhei pulls him back, and cups his face, before kissing him deeper. 

It was all so sudden, is what Renjun thinks, as he grips on Yukhei’s hair, and lets his finger’s comb against his. He could feel the air knock out of his lungs, he sighs in between kisses. All the emotional longing and wanting poured out from his chest, without showing any signs of stopping.

He kisses him harder as if his life depended on it. All he could think about was Yukhei and how he tasted like, he felt his eyes flutter to a close.

Renjun pulls away, his forehead leans against Yukhei, he doesn’t open his eyes yet, as he was too caught up in the moment, and still is savoring every last second of it. Everything about what happened just felt right, it felt like this was really supposed to happen, and god, he wishes he had done it sooner. 

“Shall we take a break?” Yukhei whispers. Renjun nods, before stealing a kiss from him once again.

“I’d love to.”

Yukhei is quick to take off his sash and coat, meanwhile, Renjun walks towards his bed and plops on it, his eyes examined the ceiling. It hasn’t sunk in yet, Renjun is still in a state of disbelief, everything that had happened sounds insane. If he told Past Renjun from seven days ago where he would be right now and what he would be doing, he wouldn’t believe it. 

Not long after, Yukhei joins him, the bed shifts from Yukhei’s weight, Renjun turns around before wrapping his arms around him. He nestles his head on the crook of his neck again, it was comforting, Yukhei smells like comfort. 

Something about being with Yukhei felt so easy, so familiar, like he has been doing it for a lifetime

He feels his hand intertwine with his again, he smiles involuntarily and leaves a small kiss on his clavicle.

“We should’ve done this sooner.” He admits with a light laugh, Yukhei does too, his smile reaching cheek-to-cheek. 

Maybe for a moment, he can forget everything, the marriage, the painting, all of it. All that mattered is the person beside him, the one between his arms, Yukhei. 

Renjun spends the whole afternoon gazing into Yukhei’s eyes, what was once a chore for him to do, was now something he does without really noticing it, He likes to see him like this, he likes it when the corner of his eyes creases when he laugh, or when his eyes bulge out of its sockets whenever he would say something far-fetched. 

His face was so expressive, and he likes it that way, he likes it when he sees happiness in his eyes, or disgust whenever he scrunches his nose in disapproval. He’s honest about everything, consciously and unconsciously. He could even read him like an open book if he wanted to. 

Renjun never thought of Yukhei as someone who wears their heart on their sleeve at first but knowing him now, he sees him as someone who is transparent about what their motives are, and what he feels, he doesn't mind being vulnerable as long as he gets his thing across, and Renjun admires this about him.

He likes everything about Yukhei, so much.

They steal kisses from each other from time to time, both basking in the mere presence of the other, Renjun holds him tighter, not wanting to let go, he wants things to be like this forever, just him and Yukhei laying down, while Yukhei chatters his ear’s off.

Yukhei draws his finger on Renjun’s jaw and kisses the shell of his ear. “I used to have tons of nicknames back then, I can barely remember some of them.” 

“What nicknames do you remember?” He asks.

“Xuxi? That was the one most used back then.”

“They called you Xuxi?” Renjun replies, incredulous with what he was hearing.

“Yeah, few relatives and some friends.” He replies, nonchalantly.

“Xuxi. That sounds nice.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.” Renjun smiles and kisses him once again, he then props his leg on top of Yukhei’s torso and pulls himself up so he can lay on top of him. 

“I really like you, Xuxi.” 

* * *

Renjun spends the next day cooped in his room, still finishing the painting. Yukhei left his side an hour ago after he told him he needed space to finish the painting.

He never liked pandemonium before, not before meeting Yukhei. He loved how Yukhei could easily distract him with his energy and loud aura whenever something troubles him, which is why it feels different not hearing him causing a ruckus in his room. 

He was so used to Yukhei and the trail of chaos he leaves behind, he begins to forget what life was like without him.

And it terrified him to death.

Before Renjun knew it, he was already regretting everything. From kissing Yukhei, to making empty promises. He knew it was going to hurt leaving him, yet he did nothing to prevent it. 

For all he knows, he could’ve left the island without any strings tied to Yukhei, but it has already been done. He was too attached to Yukhei to leave. 

He finally lays down the final stroke, the stroke that will set the painting into its full completion. He didn't want to, but he had too. For the sake of Yukhei and him. He presses the brush on the canvas, and within one light swoop, the painting was finally finished. Renjun drops his brush, and begins to observe the portrait, he steps back, and stares directly at the painting’s eyes.

It was Yukhei, it looked like Yukhei, the painting was him in all his glory, but it had everything but one thing. Renjun could feel chills run up his spine, it was realistic— almost realistic, the only thing it lacked was the warmth Yukhei had. 

No matter how true to the material the painting was, it wasn’t Yukhei, no matter how hard he tries to remember Yukhei and ingrain him into his head, it’s not really him, and that breaks him the most. He knows he won’t be able to bring him wherever and whenever he wants to, because the memories he had of him, isn’t really him. The Yukhei he knows will become a distant memory once he leaves the island. 

His head in his hands, he wanted to scream out of frustration, he shouldn’t have accepted the commission, he shouldn’t have come to this cursed island, he shouldn’t have met Yukhei. He regrets everything, he regrets every single moment he had let his emotions get the best of him, he regrets every single moment he had with Yukhei. He knew they were doomed from the start, yet he pushed through. 

He wishes he shouldn’t have memorized what he had looked like so much, because now the image of Yukhei wearing white plagues his mind, he can never run away from it, he sees it everywhere, every time he closes his eyes, every time he gazes over a plain wall, everything reminds him of the portrait.

He couldn’t get the image of Yukhei wearing his wedding attire out of his head, and it haunts him before he goes to sleep that very night. 

He closes his eyes, and sees nothing but Yukhei, behind him is a regal background, he wore his white coat with golden epaulettes, a scarlet sash pinned with medallions he couldn’t even count, and most importantly, the brightest smile Renjun has ever gazed upon his entire life.

* * *

Renjun, despite having little to no sleep, still went on a stroll with Yukhei, the amount of sleep he had was also the amount of attention he gave Yukhei as they were walking around the baseline of the shore. 

Renjun nods every now and then to whatever he was saying, giving out a couple of generic answers, sometimes laughing too whenever he sees him smiling. He tries to hide the fact that there was an ongoing mental breakdown in his head and didn't want Yukhei to get worried about him. 

His inner turmoil just gets more severe when he feels his hand looking for Yukhei’s, he craves the warmth it gave, the comfort of having him in his arms. He wanted everything about him.

“Renjun.”

Renjun suddenly snaps away from the daze and pays attention when he was finally called out for it.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“No.” Renjun replies idly. It was quick, efficient, and easily got his point across. He doesn’t bother explaining himself more, seeing that there’s no point in lingering around before answering him.

“Forget it.” Renjun notices his tone wasn’t as cheerful as it usually is, actually, now that he’s thinking about it, Yukhei wasn’t his usual self when they met up at the entrance. Instead of his usual hijinks, he seemed rather conserved. Renjun, since he was going through something, has brushed it off thinking that Yukhei was just tired from whatever he did yesterday.

“It seemed like it was important.” Renjun says apologetically, he then stands in front of Yukhei and confronts him. “Can you tell me now?” He asks again. 

Yukhei bites his lips again, the words he had to say were stuck in his throat. Renjun let him take his time to say what he needed, it wasn’t a busy day anyway, considering that the commission was already done. 

“I don’t want to marry them.” Yukhei mutters softly as he cups Renjun’s cheek.

“I don’t want to go through with the marriage.”

Renjun pulls away, removing Yukhei's hand from his cheek and lowering it down.

“But you have to.” Renjun says as he rips his heart into two, he needs to accept the inevitable, he tries to, but he just couldn’t 

“Run away with me.” Yukhei states. It was more of a statement than a question itself, he probably didn’t bother asking what Renjun’s opinions were, knowing that he knew what his answer would be.

“Are you hearing yourself right now?”

“We can’t, and you know that Yukhei.” Renjun says, he feels every part of his body ache with every reply he gives. Renjun would be lying if he said he hasn’t thought about it once, but now hearing it from Yukhei, it suddenly felt surreal.

“I’m not succumbing myself into a loveless marriage— not when you’re here.” Yukhei says as he slowly backs away.

“Yukhei, you do know what you’re leaving behind right?” He was terrified for him, he didn’t want Yukhei to lose everything he has just for him. 

Yukhei takes a step, his eyes still glued to the sandy waters below, the distance between them getting farther and farther apart.

“I don’t want you to leave this island for me!” Renjun screams. 

“I’m not doing this for you.”

“I already have been considering the idea, you were just the final push for me to do it.” Yukhei says and tells Renjun that he doesn’t want to be caged, and be deprived of something he has longed for, not when it’s right in front of him. 

“But everything is at stake right now.” Renjun tries to reason out but was eventually put in his lane after realizing it wasn’t his place to have a say in it.

“I do not care.” The prince replies, as he turns his back against the painter, and faces the sea in front of him. 

Renjun runs towards his direction and embraces him, he buries his face on his back, before choking out a sob, “I don't want you to lose everything.”

“Because if you do, I am to blame for all of this. I do not care if you were already contemplating about it, it was me that convinced you to push through, if this all falls through, it’s me who’s at fault-”

”-And I will forever hold myself accountable for what I’ve started. I’m scared Xuxi, I’m scared for you, I don’t want you to lose everything."

“Then run away with me.” Yukhei mutters softly. He lays his hand on top of Renjun’s, and squeezes, his chest slowly rising and falling altogether. 

Renjun finds himself stumbling with his words, unable to find a proper response with what Yukhei said.

“I’m not forcing you to do it.” He cuts him off, before exhaling sharply. Pain bleeding out from his words, he lets go out Renjun’s hand. 

“I’m going to ask Guanheng to prepare me a boat whether you’re coming or not.” Yukhei deadpans as he pulls away from Renjun’s embrace to face him.

He looks at Renjun straight in the eye, his face was now on indifferent, not showing any hint of weaknesses or pain, as if something snapped in him.

“If you do want to leave with me, I’ll be waiting tomorrow, before dawn.” 

And with that Yukhei leaves him alone along the shores, Renjun wishes he would turn around and comfort him, but he doesn’t. His back facing him as his silhouette slowly gets smaller and smaller, the distance between them widens. Renjun falls down into his knees, feeling nothing but anguish, tears in his eyes, as the sound of the waves crashing against the high rocks drown out the echoes of his wailing.

* * *

Renjun tosses and turns on his bed, unable to sleep that very night. He didn’t unpack his bags the day he arrived here, so now it seemed rather convenient than what was intended. It may seem like a relief since he doesn’t have to pack, but considering the fact that the reason behind this was because he was running away, makes it a lot harder to rest at ease.

He didn’t really remember that much while walking back to the mansion, it was a blur. It felt like a good chunk of his memories were taken out, now he’s left all confused and having strong mixed feelings. 

He didn’t see Yukhei when he arrived back, it made him assume that he was really packing and preparing for the voyage itself. As much as he tries to convince himself that all he said back there was bluff, basing on experience, Yukhei wasn’t the type to give empty threats.

He doesn’t sleep that night, and decides to wait for dawn itself, he gazes over the window anxiously as he looks out for the constellation, Ursa major to locate the northern star, Polaris. He decides to track his time this way, knowing that the sundial in his room won’t work (obviously). He then aligns it with the stars, Dubhe and Merak, making sure that he does this accurately, too afraid of the idea that he might miss Yukhei by a minute. 

And he thought stargazing was supposed to be relaxing. 

Throughout the night, he tries to entertain himself, playing a waiting game wasn’t exactly thrilling above all things. He tries to do more sketches, practicing anatomy and all the basic stuff. Even though it was quite hard to see under the dim light of his oil lamp, he tried to manage, he would rather do this instead of dying of boredom.

And of course he would still have intrusive thoughts over the whole situation, it wasn’t completely preventable, and he tries his absolute best to push these thoughts away, and not let them get into his head. He couldn’t back out last minute, not when everything was aligned for him.

Finally, at the last hour, he fixes his baggage and checks every two minutes if he has brought everything he needed. He decided at the last minute to keep his baggage light since he didn’t want to load too much and cause a setback to the journey. After taking everything into consideration, he decides to let go of the crates of oil paint, since they had little to no significance to him as much as anything else.

As he looked out again and saw the northern star pointing at the hundred and sixty-degree angle, he knew it was time to leave. He quickly picks up the sole bag he brought and hastily runs at the door to pick up the oil lamp on his desk. 

Before he finally exits the room for the final time and never return again, he sees Yukhei’s portrait at the corner of the room. He sucks in a huge breath before walking towards it, he examines it a little, marveling at his own piece for the last time before grabbing a white linen sheet, and using it to cover the painting. 

With this he leaves the room, and quietly tiptoes his way around the house. 

The moment he gets out of the household, the sea breeze welcomes him with delight, he wraps his one arm around his body, before walking down the hill. Renjun silently curses at himself for being too lazy to bring out his own cloak from his bag, since everything was already neatly folded and compact in it, and he didn’t want to fish it out from the bottom of the bag. 

The sun hasn’t risen yet, and the only light source he had was the lamp itself. He was glad it provided warmth too, if not, he would’ve froze to death before he even got down near the shore.

Renjun was already half-way there when he begins to consider the thought that maybe Yukhei didn’t mean everything he said, and probably said it at the spur of the moment. It made more sense to think of it that way, and now he feels like an absolute fool for thinking that Yukhei wanted to run away with him.

He considers this and keeps it in mind, in case Yukhei was indeed joking, he could always go back anyway, it’s not too late to do so. Renjun huffs as he almost trips on a small pebble, he curses to himself, before picking the pebble up and throwing it away. 

The doubts in his mind start to fog his way to the shores, everything seems to be unclear now, slowly getting hard to see through. And just when he was about to finally turn around and walk away, he sees a burst of light through the dust. 

He navigates himself through the fog, although uncertain, he follows the light. It was the only thing he needed right now, a clear sign, something that will guide him throughout the darkness. With the light in his field of vision, he fears nothing. 

He advances forward bravely, slowly getting closer and closer to the light, the fear in his chest dissipated as he reaches the end of the dark tunnel of his trials. He finally sees clarity. Yukhei stands a meter away from him, dressed in white while holding the light that guided his way back to him. 

He could feel the sand on his feet fly in the air as he rushes over to where Yukhei was as he welcomes him with two open arms, Renjun wishes they could stay like this forever, and he’s pretty sure Yukhei does too.

Both spoke nothing, they didn’t have too, from the looks they both gave, they understood what they wanted to say to each other. No words needed. 

A voice breaks the two apart, Renjun turns around and sees Dejun and Guanheng side by side. He rushes towards them and holds the two between his arms. His heart jumping in so much joy, thankful that he was able to bid his friends goodbye before leaving. 

With tears in his eyes, he apologizes for leaving them so early. He then hugs Dejun first, thanking him for welcoming him warmly. Dejun comforts him back, with a light chuckle, telling him that he shouldn’t be sorry, Renjun laughs before hugging him again. 

Guanheng stands at the side, with a small smile etched on his lips, Renjun punches his shoulder jokingly, before giving him the biggest hug. He begins to thank him for everything, for posing, for being his friend and being with him from start to end. Guanheng brushed it off and told him that _‘it wasn’t big of a deal’_ and laughed. 

After finally bidding his goodbyes to the two, he boards the boat, throwing in his luggage before himself. Dejun and Guanheng push them offshore, shouting out their goodbyes for the final time. Renjun laughs and waves at them back, hoping that one day they will meet each other again. 

Renjun sighs in relief, finally finding solace in knowing that Yukhei will no longer be a fleeting memory. He smiles fondly as he looks over him, the uneasiness in his chest is no longer there. 

With the oars and paddles, they both sail away, never to look back at the island ever again. 

* * *

Kun returns that same afternoon, only to find the prince to be missing. Normally, he would be waiting for him at the docks when he returned from a voyage, but the moment he had stepped his foot ashore, he was nowhere to be found. Confused by the sudden anomaly, he walks into the servant’s chambers, only to be shrugged at. The servants answer him with the same reply over and over as if it was a chant. _‘We haven’t seen the prince ever since yesterday.’_

He decides to rush into the painter’s accommodation only to be welcomed by profound silence. The room looked like it had been ransacked, from the pieces of scrunched up papers littering the floor to the overturned crates and racks. He sees something in the corner of his eye, what seemed to be a white veil covering something.

Upon closer inspection, it seemed to be a frame of some sort, he quickly ripped the sheet away, only to find the prince’s finished portrait. He removes the painting from the easel, perplexed by his own discovery, he carries the painting with a single arm and barges out of the room.

He finds himself running to Yukhei’s room, only to see that it was also deserted, his closets almost bare, and his most prized possessions nowhere to be seen. He feels a sense of dread creeping up his spine as he sees a single note on top of his vanity. He beelines toward it, observing the note, and finds that his suspicions were correct.

It was from Yukhei. 

Unable to comprehend the situation, he takes a seat on the chair next to him, his mind in shambles as he reads the first line of the text, _‘If you are reading this, it means that I have succeeded in executing my plans of running away. I hope you hold no grudges against me or the painter that you have commissioned.’_

His mind still in a state of shock, the sentences he was reading slowly loses its meaning the further he reads, ‘ _the painter had no involvement in the plan, he didn’t conspire or even coerce me into going through with this, and you can take my word for it.’_ Kun could no longer digest the letter itself, he feels every muscle in his body give out. He loses his grip and feels the portrait slip from his fingers, clattering on the ground loudly.

_l have decided to leave for my own good and sanity. I hope you understand. I am not apologizing for leaving, for it is heinous to force someone into wedlock. I understand if you feel wronged, but I still stand for what I believe in._

_Although I do feel that I have to apologize for leaving so soon, and not saying my farewells to you in person, but knowing you, you would’ve stopped me then and there._

_Lastly, I would like to express my gratitude for you and the things you’ve done for me and my family. For spending half of your years with us. I thank you._

_Yours truly,_

_Xuxi_

_P.s If you ever want to see me again, you know where to find me._

Kun takes a step back and gazes longingly at the horizon. With not much to do since Yukhei already left, he prays to the deity, Abeona, goddess of safe passage to protect him at his travels, and his future one’s as well.

With a huge burden crushing his chest, he calls out and asks the head servant to hang the portrait above the fireplace, to preserve the memory of a friend, and for it to also serve as a reminder of what was lost. 

Lastly, he mumbles out a silent prayer to Adiona, the goddess of safe return, as he watches the head servant slowly walk farther and farther away with the painting between their arms, in hopes that one day, Yukhei would go back to the remote island he once called home.

**Author's Note:**

> really didnt expect myself to finish another fic after a week,, wrote this one right after i finished the last one,, might take a long break after posting this though ,, since this rlly burned me out hhh ://


End file.
